Well thank god HE'S no longer walking free among us

Client wanted to get a hold of some marijuana for personal use. He knew his cousin had some connections, so he asked his cousin to hook him up. The cousin told the client to accompany him as he was going to meet somebody who had pot for sale.

Turns out that the cousin was a courier, and that the person who had pot for sale was being watched by the DEA because, in addition to selling pot, he was a major ecstasy dealer.

The client was in his cousin's car as his cousin met up with the dealer in a parking lot. The cousin opened his trunk, which had something like 12,000 ecstasy pills in it. The client backed away in stunned disbelief. At this moment the DEA swarmed in and arrested the dealer, the cousin, and the client.

All three were charged with conspiracy for possession, possession for sale, furnishing, transporting, selling, attempting to furnish, and attempting to sell the massive amount of ecstasy. When you're guilty of conspiracy, you're guilty of all the acts that the other people in the conspiracy did, even if you don't know about them.

While in deliberation, the jury asked the judge if the conspiracy charges had to be for the same drug. From this I should have known: the jury didn't think the client had anything to do with the ecstasy, and they wanted to know if they had to convict him of conspiracy because of the pot.

I shouldn't have been surprised that the client was found guilty of conspiracy.

The client was born in Vietnam but left that country at age 3. Now, after serving his time in prison for felony conspiracy regarding a large amount of drugs that he had nothing to do with, he is going to be deported back to a country he knows nothing about. He worked two minimum wage jobs and has a wife and two kids here.

From the best of craigslist

Original post at http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/70300494.html. I didn't write this, but I wish I had.


Some Advice From Your Public Defender
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Reply to: anon-70300494@craigslist.org
Date: Tue Apr 26 10:49:28 2005

First, let me say I love my job and it is a privilege to work for my clients. I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.

You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There’s just no need to babble on like it’s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.
When you come to court, consider your dress. If you’re charged with a DUI, don’t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the “UniBonger” on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.

Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.

I’m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won’t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don’t be pissed off. I didn’t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don’t be too surprised by your limited options and that I’m the one telling you about them.

Don’t think you’ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I’m not doing anything for you, calling me a public pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.

It does not help if you leave me nine messages in 17 minutes. Especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally meet.

For the guys: Don’t think I’m amused when you flirt or offer to “do me.” You can’t successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you and then myself.

For the girls: I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I’m not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that your stop stealing shit. I do wish you’d stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with because you aren’t allowing them to have a life that is any better than yours.

For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right – neatness counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don’t leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don’t leave the front license plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don’t leave behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don’t leave a note saying that you’re sorry.

If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket – dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.

Don’t be offended and say you were harassed because the security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt. And you were stealing. That’s not harassment, that’s good store security.

And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You’re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crackhead clients look positively radiant by comparison.

"I didn't put it all the way in." Not a defense.

"All the money is gone now." Not a defense

"The bitch deserved it." Not a defense.

"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.

"She didn't look thirteen." Possibly a defense; it depends.

"She didn't look six." Never a defense, you just need to die.

For those rare clients that say thank-you, leave a voice mail, send a card or flowers, you are very welcome. I keep them all, and they keep me going more than my pitiful COLA increase.

For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us all.



this is in or around your local jail
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or othercommercial interests
yes -- ok to transmit this posting into outer space
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Copyright © 2005 craigslist, inc.

Padding for fun and profit

Prosecutors here have quotas. The number of convictions they achieve is a key factor not just for promotion, but for actually holding onto their jobs.

Given these circumstances, it's hardly surprising that prosecutors over-charge and turn innocent people into defendants. They do this to give themselves more shots at the target, so to speak. It's all about numbers.

It's as if the D.A.s work for the Gap.